It can be such a drag,

All the lies that you’ll have

when you head out onto the course.

But it’s not so bad, go ahead, ask your dad!

He’ll say golf is a wonderful sport

 

You show up to the lot

Put on some socks

And take a few practice swings.

It’s been months since you’ve played

Time to check what the fade

You’ve been working on surely will bring.

 

You head over to chip

Say hello to John Kip

Ask him if you can borrow some tees

 

He laughs with delight,

Says he’s high as a kite,

With the way he’s been hitting the greens.

 

It’s a feeling like no other,

When your dad and your brother

Approach, saying it’s time to be off.

So you head to the starter,

I guess you’ll be the martyr,

The very first to tee off.

 

 

It can be such a drag,

All the lies that you’ll have

when you head out onto the course.

But it’s not so bad, go ahead, ask your dad!

He’ll say golf is a wonderful sport

 

You’ll really have sunk,

When you take a big chunk,

And your ball rolls just out of view.

To lay up would be wiser,

Because, no, you’re not Tiger

So Dufner will just have to do.

 

And it’s hard to defend it,

In the thicket, you thinned it,

In the water, you already know.

You move on with a sigh,

Get prepared for shot five,

Only twelve more holes left to go.

 

And isn’t it grand

when you land in the sand,

Time to show what you can do with a wedge.

You can still manage par,

Just don’t hit it too far,

God Damn! Now you’re lost in a hedge.

 

 

 

It can be such a drag,

All the lies that you’ll have

when you head out onto the course.

But it’s not so bad, go ahead, ask your dad!

He’ll say golf is a wonderful sport

 

You’ll feel slightly unhinged

When you’re just on the fringe,

And you just need to chip to the middle.

But on the way back

You start to lose track

And instead manage only a dribble.

 

And you’ll feel in the gutter

When your putter’s not butter,

And you leave it short by three feet.

And you’ve got to be honest,

You may need Hooked-On-Phonics

For the way you just botched that last read.

 

It can be such a drag,

All the lies that you’ll have

when you head out onto the course.

But it’s not so bad, go ahead, ask your dad!

He’ll say golf is a wonderful sport

 

 

 

 

At the end of the round,

You hardly make a sound,

As your dad asks you for the report.

He ends with a wink,

“It’s okay. We all stink!

Isn’t golf such a wonderful sport?”